So I was starting new. This is when I came back to art, like the guilty
lover who left for better things only to discover the grass is never greener on
the other side. When I realized that all realms of creativity were art I didn’t
hesitate to explore all of my talents. I started with writing, went on to
drawing, then painting and singing, finally acting and dancing. I realized and
reaffirmed the talents I had harnessed in classes and courses as a child. All
those hours spent drawing and writing as a child came back to me and helped to
show me what I truly was. I was an artist. (A creationist, in the words of
singer Kerli - and I recommend all artists to look up her song, “Creationist”)
Once on my own I realized that the last thing I wanted from my life was
ordinary. That I couldn’t go a day without drawing some creature which crept
out of a dream, or admiring art portfolios of some of my favorite local
artists. I learned that this was what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.
Her words came back to me as I continued my passion. What once was hobby
quickly turned to life ambition and thus along with it there was great
struggle. I finally understood what she meant however, as I looked at the
turnout for all my projects. The small amount of money I did earn went right
back into creating. I always knew the saying "starving artist" was a
true one, But I never actually expected to be one. I always figured it would
remain a fun hobby.
Despite
the lack of money I knew that what she said was right. I will not stand by for anything
conventional. Not that conventional is wrong in any way. Every person has a
story to tell. Every life role is important. But I cannot possibly see myself
in any kind of position like that. My brain is constantly wandering, my souls
constantly contemplating, my heart urges me to sing and to put love into all I
do, and my feet never want to stay still. I need to move, jump, run and thrive!
I need colors and expression. I have such a challenging time dealing with my
imagination on paper let alone containing it in my head. I must create. I need
to let these thoughts escape! I am constantly looking around me with an artist’s
perspective. Seeing everything with the beauty, the irony, the emotion, the
bitterness and the true messages our life symbols allow us to interact with.
She certainly knew what she was saying back then.
Perhaps she knew what I was before I knew. My life is art. I won’t blush or
simply nod in agreement now, I feel it. I know it. I need this life. I don’t
care how I end up living. I will always create. I will always strive to bring
my imagination out into the world. I will always try my best to inspire others
and I will always remember that life without passion is death in waiting.
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